


Firsts

by Augustine94



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Legends - All Media Types, Star Wars Legends: Last of The Jedi Series - Jude Watson
Genre: FerusRoanWeek, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-06
Updated: 2019-10-06
Packaged: 2020-11-26 09:10:50
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,003
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20927732
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Augustine94/pseuds/Augustine94
Summary: After leaving the Jedi Order, Ferus's new life is full of firsts. Roan experiences his own firsts as well, and he holds them just as dear.Written for Ferus/Roan Week hosted by LegendsLiveOn on Tumblr.





	Firsts

There was a young man about his age apparently paralyzed with indecision over a breakfast pastry. Normally this kind of behavior would irk Roan, but something about this person intrigued him, and it wasn't just because he was incredibly good looking, and oh he was. Roan came up behind him, put on what he hoped was a winning smile and dropped both of the two options on the stranger's tray. The stranger looked up at him, bewildered, but recovered quickly.

Roan did not recover quite as fast. Oh- oh no. In addition to what he guessed was a well-muscled body under those layers of clothing, too much for the warm weather today in Ussa, this guy was cute.

Deep brown eyes, sunkissed skin and a beautifully constructed face. His hair looked soft, and Roan instantly wanted to run his hands through it. There was a brilliant blonde streak at the top of his head, but it didn't look horribly out of place in the rest of his brown hair. Roan wondered idly if that was dyed or natural. It didn't matter. Roan's family always teased him about being a hopeless romantic, and here he went again. Utterly besotted with someone.

**Months later**

Ferus was leaning in towards his face. Roan placed a hand gently on his arm.  
"Hey," he said softly, "Are you sure you're ready for-"  
Roan never got to finish his question, because Ferus was already kissing him.

It was very gentle and chaste, but Roan could barely form a coherent thought. His previously decided plan of "let him lead, don't spook him" was ingrained enough to surface through the roar of pounding blood in his ears. So Roan did. He mirrored back to Ferus, and nothing more.

Ferus's utter inexperience brought a different dynamic to this relationship than any Roan had been in previously. Roan’s first relationship had been years before, with a similarly inexperienced peer. They had experimented, had a glorious summer together, but eventually gone their separate ways. Ferus was different, Ferus was so, so different. Everything was new to him and Roan knew Ferus had to fight something deep inside to allow himself to even admit his love for him.

Because of this, Roan wanted everything to be entirely at Ferus’s own pace. Passion for Ferus burned deep within him, but he knew Ferus wasn't ready for that. Ferus needed this to be soft and gentle and slow. The last thing Roan wanted was for Ferus to ever feel overwhelmed. A couple of his siblings had been nettling him about moving faster with the relationship, because by normal standards they were moving glacially slow.

But Roan didn't mind. This relationship meant more to him than any other had before. Roan knew what this meant to Ferus. This was Ferus firmly closing the door on his old life, and choosing Roan over that life- forever. This could never have been anything other than a serious relationship. Ferus would never casually date, too much was at stake. It was the final shaking off of every remaining aspect of what he had grown up being taught as a Jedi. Roan knew how much this meant to him. He felt a fierce protectiveness over Ferus, which was ridiculous. Ferus was a former Jedi, he could easily defend himself before Roan could even blink.

This was different though. Roan knew Ferus didn't need protecting physically, he was worried about protecting his heart. He would never forgive himself if he somehow hurt Ferus, and he feared what would happen to Ferus if this relationship somehow didn't work out. He couldn't bear the thought of Ferus just drifting again like he had been when he found him.

Roan returned Ferus's soft experimental kisses that were slowly growing bolder. Ferus's hands were on his waist now, and Roan decided that it was probably okay to put one of his hands in Ferus's hair. As always it was just as soft and silky as he had imagined that first day he had seen Ferus in the cafe. Ferus made a pleased sounding noise and Roan knew he had guessed right.

The air in the room seemed to suddenly grow charged, but it didn't feel the same as-

And then Roan was inexplicably off balance, as if he'd tripped over thin air and was falling backwards. Ferus lunged after him, but with Roan's flailing they both just ended up in a heap on his bed. Ferus was apologizing profusely as he untangled himself from Roan's limbs and sat up. Then it finally clicked for Roan what had just happened.

"Hey," he sat up and reached out to Ferus "It's alright. It was kind of fun."

"It's not alright," cried Ferus, "I lost control, I haven't done that before- I wasn't- not paying attention, I could have hurt you! This is too dangerous, I should have known there was a reason-"

He was babbling, panicking, and if Roan didn't calm him down quickly he knew this very well might be the end of their relationship being a romantic one.

"Ferus," Roan touched his arm. "I'm not hurt. It’s okay.” 

Ferus looked at him, disbelieving. 

“You shouldn’t be okay with this. You have no idea what could happen. I thought I’d distanced myself from the Force enough, but I just- I don’t even know what happened. I wasn’t trying to do anything, and then you were falling!”

“But it was okay! I’m okay! And you’re okay. Everything is fine. I trust you.”

“You shouldn’t,” Ferus muttered glumly, turning away.

“Hey,” Roan nudged his shoulder, “None of that self-deprecating talk.”

Ferus looked down at the floor. “It’s true though.”

“I accept that risk.”

“You don’t know what you’re saying.”

“Yes Ferus, I do. Even though you’ve given up your life as a Jedi, I have a feeling that trouble will still follow you around. I’m okay with that. You’re worth it to me."

Ferus turned and looked at him disbelieving. 

“I bet if you kiss me again right now nothing bad will happen.”

Ferus’s frown quirked up a bit, almost into a smile.

“I don’t have to be a Jedi to know what you’re thinking,” Roan cajoled, “Yes, that absolutely was a challenge. And I know you’re not the type to back away from a- mpfh!”

Ferus was kissing him again, and it was so, so good.

Eventually they both had to come up for air. Not wanting to fully part yet, they rested their foreheads together. 

“You were right,” Ferus said softly.

“I promise I won’t gloat,” Roan laughed.

Ferus laughed too. “Thank you Roan, for everything.”

**Much later**

Ferus was moving a potted plant from window to window of their new home, talking to himself about the best lighting for it. Roan would have teased him if he didn't recognize which plant it was.

After a solid month of indecision, Ferus had sent a wedding invitation to his former Master, Siri Tachi. The wedding had still been five months out at that point, but in the long and apologetic holorecording Siri sent back, she already knew she would be away at that point, and that "You know why." Despite it being a hologram, Ferus nodded understanding, apparently he did know what that meant. Weeks later, a package arrived for Ferus while Roan was visiting his apartment. It was marked as coming from Coruscant, and Roan saw Ferus's hands hesitate before carefully opening the container.

The inside of the box was incredibly complex. It was artificial lit, and in the center, tightly strapped in place was... a plant?

Ferus's expression was frozen for a moment before he doubled over. Roan panicked for a moment before realizing that his fiancée was laughing.

"That crazy monkey lizard" he choked out. He looked up at Roan. "She, Siri, she stole this out of the Temple gardens!"

Well that certainly was not what Roan had been expecting. “What?”

“She used to take me to the gardens, the Room of a Thousand Fountains, its beautiful Roan. I was never very strong with the Living Force, so we would go there to meditate. There was a particular area we would go often. It had these plants, she knew I liked them. I guess she decided she wanted to send us a wedding present.”

“You’re kidding.”

“No!”

“She sounds pretty cool, your master.”

“She was- is.”

“Is that a note in there?”

“I think it is.” Ferus pulled out a piece of flimsi. Knowing that this would probably be emotional for him, as well as because he was more than a little curious Roan snaked his hands around Ferus’s waist and rested his chin on his fiancée’s shoulder so he could read it too.

_My dearest Ferus,_

_I’m so proud of you, and so happy that you’ve found a new home in the galaxy. I think of you often, and I hope that you similarly look back on our time together fondly. I know gifts are customary for a wedding, and I had to think for a long time about what I could give you that would have meaning to you in this new life. I thought you might like one of these plants, or at least like the image of me heisting it out of the gardens. And I must say, it was quite a treacherous mission. I was nearly apprehended by Master Windu, and we both know that would have been disastrous. Picture that, my hands and knees and tunic sleeves covered in dirt. Holding this plant, obvious where it came from. I would have had a lot of explaining to do. Fortunately I escaped unscathed, and I hope this plant arrives safely on this journey to you. I would very much love to come and visit you and your husband at some point if you’ll have me. Please do keep sending me updates from your life. It brings me comfort knowing that you are doing well._

_With care for you always,_  
_Siri Tachi_

“I like her. She can definitely come visit,” Roan said, pressing a kiss onto Ferus’s cheek. “That and I want all of her embarrassing stories about you as a kid.”

Ferus laughed, but Roan could hear a bit of heartache behind it. The Jedi were still family to him, and he missed them. Hopefully this Siri would be able to come visit, hopefully that would bring Ferus some closure.

Back in ‘The Present Moment,’ as Ferus liked to say, Roan watched his very soon to be husband step back decisively and nod at the plant’s current placement. Roan came up beside him and intertwined their hands.

“It looks good here. I’m sure she’ll be happy to see it when she comes to visit in a few months.”

Ferus bit his lip.

“Hey,” Roan poked him in the shoulder with his free hand. “No stress. She’s coming because she loves you. She just wants to see you happy.”

“I know,” Ferus sighed, “I just want her to be proud of me.”

“Well I think between the highly successful business, a wonderful home, and bagging a gorgeous husband like me she’ll be plenty proud of you.”

Ferus grinned and gave him a playful shove. “It’s not a wonderful home yet. This place is a mess with all of your boxes of stuff. How do you acquire so many things?”

“Listen, we can’t all grow up monastic. Besides, this place would be empty if I had only as much as you brought. You can’t have brought more than a dozen boxes in, and I bet your old apartment is completely bare now, isn’t it?”

“It is. But what even is all of this?”

“A lot of it is from my family,” Roan shrugged, “cookware, extra bedding, artwork. I know you like art at least.”

Ferus smiled. “I do,” his smile widened, “but do you know what I like even more?”

“No?”

“You,” he said, leaning in for a kiss. “Even with your mountain of objects.”

“Aww, I’ve turned you into such a sap.”


End file.
